Homesick

Tragedy. Death. It can come in the blink of an eye. I've experienced it in my life; 3 times to be exact.

 #1: The first was the horrible sound of a 2 a.m. phone call and my mom telling me to get up and that "Papa was sick". I was 10 that night. It was the first time I was really scared of losing someone. We had just had a birthday party for my Papa the night before. He was around family and friends and he was happy. Then, just like that, he was gone. Heart attack was to blame. I didn't fully understand what was happening at the time. I just knew that it wasn't good. I remember walking through his beautiful, overflowing garden that night with my mom-the red dirt between my toes, and my mama saying "Who's going to take care of this garden if he can't?" Well, no one can. That once overflowing, lush garden is now just grass.
#2: The second time was different. My PawPaw was sick. We already knew that he was diagnosed with cancer and that, while he was being treated, the looks on the grown-ups face were not good. Finally, it was actually time to say good-bye. This is something that I did not understand at the time. I didn't realize that when I went in and hugged him and said 'I love you', that it would be the last time I would see him. Needless to say, that Christmas was not the same.
#3 The third time was my Memaw. (married to my PawPaw). She had some blockages in her heart and she was going in to the hospital for surgery on her heart. We got the call from my dad, that while the actual surgery was successful, My Memaw never woke up again. It was hard to believe that. It was hard to understand that the first two deaths I had experienced were not only unavoidable, but not caused by Doctors who wanted to do surgery on them. This one was different. I remember thinking, 'If she had just not had the surgery, she would be fine.' But also, I came to realize that things happen for a reason--and that maybe she just missed my PawPaw.

Death is unavoidable. You can't run from it. You can't hide from it. And it is not going to pass you over and let you live for 1000 years. When looking at the big scheme of things, the fighting, the having bad feelings towards something, not forgiving someone or asking for forgiveness, not enjoying your life is the biggest mistake to have ever committed. WHY waste a small amount of your PRECIOUS life harboring angry feelings, or not living your life to the FULLEST??? Yes, it sounds easy--but to get up every morning and to actually put that into effect is hard.

But we are human. We are sinful, and we do make mistakes. Since, I know Jesus, I know that those three wonderful people I lost, Papa, PawPaw and Memaw are waiting for me. I think MercyMe says it best in their song "Homesick". The reason that we cry when bad things happen is--yes we miss them--but if we are in Jesus, we know that we can see them again.

In light of recent events, I felt this was a good thing to write about. It not only helps me deal with tragedies that happen unexpectedly, but it serves as a reminder that when we are in Christ, there is no goodbye.



"In Christ, There is not goodbye. In Christ, there is no death. So, I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have to see you again, to see you again.....
I close my eyes and I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been more homesick, than now."
-"Homesick" by MercyMe